Vitamin We #3: Motherly Love

So excited to be writing to you again - Welcome if you are new here! 🥰

As someone who has always been passionate about self-development, I see entrepreneurship as one of the most vigorous personal growth curricula one can ever sign up for, because in order to grow our dreams into a living breathing entity that is widely accepted, we need to become masterful in the process of turning our inner demons into allies with self-leadership and keep expanding beyond our limits;

That said, another powerfully disruptive growth curriculum must be parenthood!

And those of you who are doing BOTH simultaneously? We applaud you!!!👏👏👏

Specifically for women, we all know that motherhood is not a magic-carpet-ride type of experience - it’s messy, you wish you could be everything everywhere all at once, and the social expectations to be a great mom/wife/daughter/boss/artist/breadwinner/sex goddess/cook/empty nester/grandma etc are beyond overwhelming and exhausting. It’s a shame and judgment minefield, with many moments that invite us to take 3 deep breaths before making choices that we won’t regret. 😅

No matter how good/bad/mediocre you think you are doing (which is just your POV), let’s extend more compassion to yourself and give yourself a big hug for a job well done!

This week, it’s timely to celebrate motherhood in all forms by spotlighting stories of how we experience motherly love - as a mom of toddlers exploring creativity, as a woman reflecting on weight & her worthiness of love, as a daughter who used art to channel grief, then becomes an artist, and many more.

Each motherly love story is unique, but I’m sure you’ll find something you can resonate with in their stories.

Sending Hugs 🫶

When you think of a nurturing person, what are the first occupations that come to your mind? Teachers, nurses, caretakers, gardeners, and moms? Most people would associate the nurturing quality with helping professionals and alike.

Besides that, there are indeed MANY that we can provide nurturance for like:

• People & Their Talents

• Ideas & Culture

• Lives & Nature

• Items, Systems & Stuff

What if team leaders like CEO, CFO, CTO etc bring more nurturing quality to work, so humans could feel they have room to grow, budding ideas and innovation have time & space to sprout, and new employees or young professionals have the support to be groomed into their expertise?

What if we embody a sense of nurturance when we interact with Mother Earth, just like our ancestors did?

What if we use our capability not just to nurture our kids, students, or people who need to be cared for but also to nurture ourselves - our needs, our potentials, our imperfections and our dreams?

“I am a mother, has a beautiful baby, but the child grows and

the pediatrician says that whether the child likes it or not, he has to eat before going to school; and that he needs to eat cereals, lactic and fruit. It can no longer be baby food, he has grown up....

At 8 am, how do I do it so that he eats everything? Fruit juice hurts his tummy, milk and juice is even worse!

And I found a solution!!

Next morning he finds a plate of fruit, but a special one....

The plate is a face!

A tangerine face, and he eats the hair, the eyebrows, the eyes, the nose, the mouth... We're done, off to school!

The next day a palm tree with kiwi and banana, a flower, a boat...

That's it, I've done it!”

“an uninhabited house and the unloved have many things in common

a table will always give toddlers an excuse to bump into it. its very presence is an invitation for exploration ending in tears

this toddler in particular has my heart trapped between each melting laughter and milk toothed awesomeness

now I know what it means, to matter.

to be housed and to occupy a space of affection

as I, am found to be worthy of affection

this household. this body. carries within

an uncommon weight and space.”

“For as long as I can remember, I've always had a pencil and paper handy.

When my mother passed away suddenly when I was 15 I spent several days drawing a picture of roses that was buried with her.

My feeling at the time was that I wanted to make something beautiful and at the same time I was channeling my grief through creating.

These days I draw to spread joy and share my love of creating with others.

Art is a powerful tool and it forms a big part of my identity.

Through my stationery line I get to impact someone's day as they celebrate milestones or are simply appreciated for being awesome.”

Idea #1 The “Never Enough” Problem in our Culture:

Scarcity - The constant urge to assess and compare our lives with unattainable, media-driven visions of perfection and hence, feeling “never good enough” is deeply embedded in our culture, our everyday languages, and social norms.

Wondering how heavy is this affecting you? Answer these questions:

*****Idea #2 *****
Guilt = I did something bad.
Shame = I am bad.

There is a significant difference between you are bad and you did something bad. Shame is so painful, particularly for children, because it is inextricably linked to the fear of being unlovable. The brain processes social rejection or shame the same way it processes physical pain. Childhood experiences of shame change who we are, how we think about ourselves, and our sense of self-worth.

Worthiness is at stake when we define one’s behavior as who they are. It's human nature to want to feel worthy of love and belonging. When we experience shame, we feel disconnected and desperate for worthiness. When we are hurting, we are more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors and to attack or shame others. Criticism is just a clumsy strategy we adopt so we get to be heard 😥.

4 elements of shame resilience (P.75): Recognizing shame and understanding its triggers, practicing critical awareness, reaching out, and speaking shame for it to dissipate.

Idea #3 On Parenting:

She wrote,

"Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting." (P.243)

Parenting is a shame and judgment minefield because most of us are wading through uncertainty and self-doubt when it comes to raising our children. There is no such thing as “perfect parenting” - rather, it’s a messy and humbling experience for the parents and children to learn and explore together.

If we really care about the broader welfare of children, our job is to tend to our own worthiness, make choices that are aligned with our values, and support other parents who are doing the same (vs shaming other parents for the choices they're making).

Instead of asking, "Am I parenting the right way?", she suggested we reflect, "Am I the adult that I want my child to grow up to be?"

Separating our children from their behaviors (shame vs guilt) is key to not undermining their worthiness when we are just trying to encourage them to do better next time. Letting our children struggle and experience adversity is one of the most daring acts a parent can do because hope is learned when we allow them to experience: 1. “I know where I want to go” 2. “I know how to get there, I'm persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again.” and 3. “I can do this!”.

You can also download her The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto as a reference to write your own version!